CUSTODIAN (parody of "Superman" by Eminem. New Lyrics by Tim Richardson)

You dry, baby?
MOP: Yeahhh….
Yeah?
MOP: Heeheehee…talk to me
You want me to wipe up room 102 with you?
MOP: Uh huh..

I know you’re trusty, baby, I think you’re filled with goo
MOP: I love your pushin’, baby
I love to push you, too
I’m here to clean the floors and lock up every door
I scrub down all the toilets and other nasty chores
I’m pretty smelly, baby, I’m pretty creepy, too
I’m the custodian, I’ll sweep up after you
I freak out all the girls, you can just call me Earl
I sprinkle lots of orange stuff  whenever someone hurls

I’m the custodian
Sweep bad crud in a single mound
I’m single, wow!
Never would’ve guessed that would ya, now?
Got a lot of porn in my office, down-
-stairs in the basement pit, where I sit, I’m pretty sick
Picking sores and popping zits, grossing out even backwoods hicks
Reach for a swig, gin in a case
I’ll make my poor little pacemaker race
Time to go, movin’ slow, gotta respond to a clean up call
In the lunchroom now, punks throwin food, tossin chips, tippin desks
Flyin peach, creamed a teach, in other words a big fat mess
Throwing slop? I’ll grab my mop
Kids won’t stop? I’ll call the cops
Lunch room lady throws a fit
Then she get hosed down with red pop
They add some ice, ain’t that nice
All of a sudden I’m covered in rice
Where’s the principal or the vice?
They’ll stay far away if they are wise

But I do know one thing though
Messes they come, they go
Monday through Friday weekdays
Saturday and Sunday slow
Maybe I’ll retire one day
Maybe when I get old
Till then just scrape this nasty dog crap off the carpet, yo

‘Cuz I’m your custodian, I’m your custodian, etc.

Don’t get me wrong I love this job
Work second shift with a guy named Bob
He’s real fat, yeah so what?
Sweeps all the rooms with his sagging butt
He’s weight impaired, can’t climb stairs
Always see his crack and his underwear
Kids always drop candy down in there
It never falls out, it just disappears
That’s pretty gross, but so am I
Eat a hairy chip or a green French fry
Got no pride, in what I find
I’m not a picky man in a double wide
I don’t got me no class at all
Every day wear the same coveralls
Don’t matter when you’re just wiping up walls
Or moppin’ up crap in a restroom stall

But I do know one thing though
Messes they come, they go
Monday through Friday weekdays
Saturday and Sunday slow
Maybe I’ll retire one day
Maybe when I get old
Till then just scrape this nasty dog crap off the carpet, yo

I know you’re trusty, baby, I think you’re filled with goo
MOP: I love your pushin’, baby
I love to push you, too
I’m here to clean the floors and lock up every door
I scrub down all the toilets and other nasty chores
I’m pretty smelly, baby, I’m pretty creepy, too
I’m the custodian, I’ll sweep up after you
I freak out all the girls, you can just call me Earl
I sprinkle lots of orange stuff  whenever someone hurls