IMBECILE (parody of "Criminal" by Eminem. New Lyrics by Tim Richardson)

Imbecile
Imbecile
I’m an imbecile
Yeah, I’m an imbecile

My head is like a bucket of blue Play Dough
'Cuz brain moves slow
My IQ is super low
I whizzed on my garden tryin’ to make it grow
Wear Bermuda shorts when it starts to snow
Idiotic? I’m not the brightest bulb on the tree
Set my lawn on fire instead of raking the leaves
A guy asked me if I knew how to drive a stick
So I broke off a branch and then I sat on it
Hey, somebody watch me
Light my Hibachi
I used way too much gas
And ignited my ass
You should see all my medical bills
I didn’t want kids so I went on the pill
Come on now, we all make some dumb mistakes
I flew to Baghdad for my last spring break
Good Lord, this boy’s a dipstick
Big nimrod, idiot, dim half-wit
Makes Forrest Gump look like a Rhodes Scholar
Only got four nickels in exchange for a dollar
Stupid, stupid, I’m so stupid!
There’s only air when I use a Q-tip
You can’t teach me to tie my shoes
Or tell the dif between pee and booze
And you ain’t able to beat and hound
Me into telling my butt from a hole in the ground
And you can’t stop me from touching hot stoves
Or smoking green catnip instead of cloves
But havin’ no brain can sure have its perks
Just ask politicians and they’ll tell ya it works

I’m an imbecile
'Cuz every time I’m chewin’ gum, I cannot walk or run
I’d fall right on my bum
I guess I’m an imbecile
I don’t know a lotta words, got the brain of a bird
No schoolin’ but I’m real good at droolin’